Flu

I have had flu, and have just spent the last few days careening wildly between raga (craving, unreasonable desire - as in I wish I was well, when will I be well, I wish I was well) and dvesa (aversion, unreasonable dislike - as in I hate being sick, why did I have to get sick, what a pain, I hate being sick).

If it wasn't so silly, it would be amusing. Well, actually it is quite amusing. I make a terrible patient - I don't get ill often enough to have developed any equanimity in this department. And so I fall prey to the usual obstacles to clear sight (klesas) as discussed by Patanjali in his Sutra's; in this case, craving to be well, and aversion to being sick. Objective situation: I was only really ill for three days. Length of suffering: extra 3 days before, dreading getting sick because my husband had flu, actual illness: 3 days, lingering listlessness: still counting.

The only plus about being ill is that I find it sometimes pulls me right into the present, since my mind isn't up to as much dallying as usual. In between the moments of craving and desire are a few sweet moments of pure presence. Almost worth it.